


maybe we could go get lost tonight

by t_hens



Series: bingo 2019 [1]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alcohol, Anxiety, M/M, Panic Attacks, Virginity, uni phil
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-25
Updated: 2019-09-25
Packaged: 2020-10-28 09:08:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20776064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/t_hens/pseuds/t_hens
Summary: '“Do you wanna go talk somewhere not so loud?”Phil froze for a second. He’d never been in this situation before. A proper fit guy wanted to be somewhere alone with him, Phil Lester, of all people, and he didn’t quite believe it was really happening.Words stuck in his throat when he tried to answer, so instead he tried to give an enthusiastic nod, which must have been convincing as Andrew stood and held out his hand for Phil to take.'





	maybe we could go get lost tonight

**Author's Note:**

> written for the Phandomficfests: Bingo 2019  
prompts used: virginity, anxiety
> 
> beta by [fourthingsandawizard](http://fourthingsandawizard.tumblr.com)

The music was loud, bordering on overwhelming. The air was thick with smoke; primarily cigarette smoke, but Phil could spot two people huddled in the corner passing a joint back and forth which accounted for the skunky smell.

He felt out of place. It had been Ian’s idea to come to a house party full of people that Phil had either never met or only ever met in passing. The beer in his hand had long since turned warm and undrinkable, but Phil kept a hold on it to prevent everyone who saw him insisting he needed a drink.

Maybe he did, maybe that would help to alleviate the swarm of nerves in his stomach. 

He took a pull from his beer and instantly wished he hadn’t. It was just as warm and off putting as he expected. Ian finally pulled his attention away from the blonde girl he’d been chatting up and gave Phil a small, comforting smile.

“Let’s get you something else to drink.”

-

Phil followed morosely to the kitchen, wishing he was brave enough to ask if they could leave, or brave enough to talk to the other people there. He wasn’t, though, so he stood by silently as Ian poured a healthy amount of Malibu into a cup and topped it off with a little bit of Coke.

“Here, this is probably more your speed than beer.” He took the warm beer out of Phil’s hand and chugged it down without even a grimace. 

Phil took a sip and felt the sting of alcohol down his throat, but found the drink wasn’t half bad.

“Thanks.” He took another drink and felt his cheeks start to flush, and everything seemed a little less intense than it did before. 

-

After following Ian back into the crowd, Phil flopped himself down onto the sofa where there was a tiny spot not occupied.

There was a girl to Phil’s right who had faded blue hair and a lip ring who said hi when he sat down. He smiled shyly and took another sip of his drink after saying hi back.

“I haven’t seen you before, are you new?”

Phil nodded, his cheeks even more red now. “It’s my first year at uni.”

It wasn’t anything to be ashamed about, but he always hated the understanding smile everyone gave him when they found out it was his first year. It felt patronizing, but Phil just smiled and listened to her talk about her courses while sipping more of his drink.

-

When his cup was empty, he stood and made his way back into the kitchen. The anxiety and nerves from earlier had long since dissipated, and he felt warm in a way he usually only felt when his mum would let him have a glass of wine with dinner, but dialed up by ten.

He poured what was probably too much Malibu into his cup and looked around for a mixer. 

“Anything I can help you find?”

Phil turned towards the voice and saw it was the guy that Ian had introduced him to when they’d first arrived. Andrew, Phil thought his name was. He nodded politely and asked where the Coke was.

“There should be some in the fridge, let me look.”

Phil stood rooted in his spot and his eyes trailed after him. 

_He’s good looking_,” Phil thought, but in a distant sort of way. The Malibu was definitely affecting his brain, but when Andrew walked back and cracked open a new can and poured it slowly into Phil’s cup, holding eye contact as he did so, Phil decided to let his brain stop making all the decisions.

“Thanks,” he said quietly.

They stood holding eye contact for a moment before they both broke it and looked away; the blush staining Phil’s cheeks was mirrored in Andrew’s.

“Do you wanna go sit down?”

Phil nodded and followed him to the couch he’d just been sitting at, now blissfully empty of the couple who’d been making out aggressively next to him. The blue haired girl was still there, but she barely gave Phil more than a glance as they sat down.

“Are you a first year like Ian?” 

Andrew’s eyes were a pretty bright green that Phil felt almost transfixed in. It took him a second to realize that he’d been asked a question.

“Oh, yeah, I am. Sorry.” He waved his hand vaguely to indicate that he just wasn’t quite all there and it made a smile appear on Andrew’s face.

“How are you liking it?”

He shrugged, not sure what there was to really say. His classes were okay, but he missed his mum and felt pathetic for it. He missed food that didn’t come from a packet or needed a microwave to make. He missed his own bed and not having to do his own laundry.

“It’s okay,” Phil answered eventually.

“First year is always a bit shit. It gets better, though, don’t worry.” He bumped their knees together and Phil felt himself flush. Blood was rushing through his body to his cock over a tiny brush, and he’d never felt more like a virgin than in that moment.

“You’re cute.”

Phil wasn’t expecting that, so he turned to the boy beside him and felt his face convey his confusion. 

Was this really cute guy really flirting with him? Maybe he was just too drunk to not realize that there was someone sitting next to him that Andrew was actually talking to.

“Me?!” He pointed to himself, checking the empty spot next to him just in case.

“Of course, you.” Andrew’s laugh was nice and reminded Phil of the wind chimes out on the porch at his grandma’s house.

“I think you’re cute, too.” The words came easier than they probably would have if he weren’t two cups of rum down.

“Do you wanna go talk somewhere not so loud?”

Phil froze for a second. He’d never been in this situation before. A proper fit guy wanted to be somewhere alone with him, Phil Lester, of all people, and he didn’t quite believe it was really happening. 

Words stuck in his throat when he tried to answer, so instead he tried to give an enthusiastic nod, which must have been convincing as Andrew stood and held out his hand for Phil to take. 

If it were anywhere else and there wasn’t liquid courage running through his veins, Phil probably wouldn’t have taken it. He did, though, and felt his cheeks redden when Andrew gave him a dazzling smile.

-

There was only one bedroom not occupied when they got upstairs, and Andrew was quick to slide in and lock the door behind them. Phil’s face must have betrayed him, because Andrew lifted his hands up and stayed where he was next to the door.

“I promise I won’t do anything you’re uncomfortable with. I really did just wanna talk.”

Relief and disappointment warred in Phil’s head, but he gave him a small smile and patted the spot next to him on the bed.

“I didn’t mean to come off pushy or anything.”

“No, you’re not,” Phil told him, shaking his head. “I’m just nervous.”

“Nervous?” Even in the dim light of the lamp in the room, Phil could still see how green his eyes were. Why had Phil never appreciated what a nice color green was?

“Yeah, I just -.” He wasn’t sure how to proceed. Should he really be telling a guy he just met that he was still a virgin and had only kissed two girls, which he hated both times, because they were distinctly _female_, and that was something that Phil knew right away that he didn’t want. He wanted something that he’d kept a secret from himself and other people for so long, sometimes he assumed it would always be that way.

“I’ve just never been to a party before, really.”

That wasn’t the whole thing, and he got the feeling that Andrew understood. 

“They aren’t all they're cracked up to be, but this one has probably been my favorite one.”

“Oh?” Phil cocked his head to the side and waited for him to explain.

“I met you tonight.”

There was just enough light in the room that Phil could see a flush cross his face, and it made Phil feel braver than he probably ever had been. 

He leaned forward and pressed a kiss to the smile on Andrew’s face.

There wasn’t even time to panic that’d he’d fucked things up before Andrew was winding his arms around Phil’s waist and bringing them closer together. 

-

They kissed until Phil’s lips were tingling and he was so hard he wanted to cry. He wasn’t brave enough to do more than follow Andrews gentle ministrations, so when they were suddenly leaning back on to the bed, Phil went with it.

“Is this okay?” Andrew asked, body hovering over Phil’s.

“Please.” He didn’t even have enough time to worry about how whiny and pathetic he was probably being before he felt the hot press of Andrew’s erection against his thigh.

Phil’s cock was already hard and aching and the feeling of another man’s cock so close to Phil’s was enough to make him worry he’d blow his load before anything real even happened.

Andrew’s mouth caught his again and they kissed and kissed until Phil thought he might die if he didn’t come soon. Rutting together was good and definitely getting him there, but Phil wanted more. He wanted confirmation that he liked boys, and they liked him back, and he didn’t want to miss an opportunity like this.

“Will you fuck me?” 

He wasn’t sure where his bravery had come from; the alcohol he’d consumed was probably still taking up space in his body, but his head felt fuzzy for a reason other than sugary booze.

“Are you sure?” Andrew looked nervous, but there was something eager in the flush of his cheeks and the brightness in his eyes.

“Yeah. Do you have like-.” He stopped, bravery gone. Why could he asked to be fucked but couldn’t manage to ask if someone had a condom and lube.

“Yeah, yeah. Hold on.”

He rolled off of Phil and started digging through the nightstand to the right of them.

“Uh,” Phil started, not sure how to ask if it was okay that Andrew was rifling through someone else’s stuff, but Andrew threw him a smile and a wink.

“Don’t worry, it’s my room.”

Phil looked around and now that his mind wasn’t entirely consumed with getting off, he could see a few pictures of Andrew scattered around the room. It made him feel nostalgic for home, but he didn’t get much time to dwell on his homesickness before his eyes were drawn to Andrew stripping off his shirt.

His tummy was a little soft and he had a little more chest hair than Phil did. His skin was pale where he pulled off his jeans and a peak of his tan line was visible beneath the waistband of his pants.

“Wow.” 

Andrew didn’t laugh at Phil’s absence of eloquence, just tossed what he’d gotten out the drawer on the bed next to Phil and took his place back on top of Phil, bringing their lips back together.

-

It took some time, but eventually they were both in just their pants, and grinding into each other had long since stopped being enough.

Andrew slowly peeled his pants down and Phil could feel butterflies swarming his belly. 

No one had ever seen him naked like this; at least, not anyone who counted. 

Andrew counted, though, because he was taking it in his hand and pumping his fist up and down, and Phil thought he’d died and went to heaven all at once.

“Fuck. You have a proper nice cock,” Andrew said, making Phil’s eyes that had fallen shut open back up.

“No,” Phil protested, voice gone breathy under his ministrations.

“Trust me, I’ve seen quite a few cocks, and yours truly is something special.”

Phil wasn’t able to reply because suddenly there was a warm, wet, heat around his cock and he distantly thanked his lucky stars that he didn’t come right that second.

“Stop, stop, stop,” he panted, shoving back at Andrew’s shoulder.

“Fuck, I’m sorry. Are you okay?” 

“I’m just close,” he breathed, cheeks getting even more red.

Andrew didn’t respond, just clutched the base of his cock like he might come soon, which seemed crazy to Phil that somehow he was making someone so turned on they were afraid they’d come.

“Can it be your turn?”

Andrew was nodding before Phil really got the sentence out, but it made him giggle and that helped take some of the pressure that’d he’d been feeling off of his shoulders.

-

It was probably obvious that Phil had never done this, but Andrew didn’t seem to mind. He moaned and whined and when Phil swiped his tongue over the tip of his cock, Andrew threaded his fingers in Phil’s hair and gave a tug that had his own cock dribbling another spurt of precome.

He pulled off and tried to catch his breath. His jaw ached even though it had only been a short amount of time. Andrew looked absolutely wrecked and Phil felt a wave of pride move through him that Andrew was that worked up over what _he_ was doing.

“Ready?” Andrew asked once he caught his own breath.

“Yeah.”

Phil laid down and tried not to let it show how nervous he was. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to do it, because he did, but it was also his first time and even though he’d never really let himself think of what his first time would be like, he was having a hard time relaxing enough to let it happen.

“We don’t have to,” Andrew whispered. 

He was sitting up, kneeling just above Phil, and though Phil didn’t doubt the sincerity in his voice, it didn’t seem to matter because Phil’s heart was racing and his hands were shaking and there was a panic attack working its way through his entire body, taking a hold of his brain and not letting go.

Andrew got off the bed and Phil watched without really seeing has he pulled his clothes back on. 

Phil fully expected him to leave and let Phil deal with his shit brain by himself, but he gently pressed his hand to Phil’s shoulder and whispered for him to sit up. He did so without much thought and felt Andrew pull his shirt over his head.

Slowly, and without much help from Phil since he was still in the middle of an episode, Andrew dressed him until he was just as he had been when they’d entered the room, just sans shoes.

-

It took awhile for Phil to calm down, but when he did, he felt like the world’s biggest baby and couldn’t stop the tears that started to steam down his face.

“I”m sorry,” he sobbed into this hands, partly wishing that Andrew had left so he wouldn’t see what a mess Phil was.

“It’s okay,” he uttered softly, gently placing an arm around Phil. Phil leaned into it and let himself be comforted for the moment. 

“The first time is always scary.”

He could protest, say that it wasn't that he was a virgin, that he was just nervous for another reason, but the words died on his tongue.

“I’m not out to anyone. I never really thought I’d be in a situation like this.”

He could feel Andrew nod in understanding. “That’s shit, I’m sorry.”

Phil just hummed in agreement and burrowed a little closer into his chest. He wanted to remember what it felt like to hold and be held by someone.

-

They didn’t stay upstairs much longer. Andrew pressed a kiss to Phil’s temple when he was calm again and led him downstairs. 

They didn’t hold hands, didn’t kiss goodbye when they got downstairs; Phil left to find Ian and Andrew moved back towards the kitchen. There was no exchange of numbers or emails, but that was okay.

Once he’d located Ian and told him he was going home, he headed straight out the door and into the chilly October air.

His thoughts were a mess of regret and anxiety and a bit still caught up in the way Andrew’s hands and mouth had felt. It left a tangled mess of thoughts, but Phil did his best to ignore it.

He’d only made it a few feet towards home when he heard a yell behind him. Turning, he was surprised to see Andrew running after him. 

“What’s up?” Phil asked lamely, not letting himself hope what he thought was happening really was.

“I wanted to get your number. I meant to ask for it before you left, but I couldn’t find my phone and then Ian said you left so I-.” 

Phil stopped him with a kiss, letting himself not care that they were outside in public where anyone could see. Instead he basked in the groan that left Andrew, and when they both backed up, they were wearing matching grins.

“Give me your phone,” Phil said softly.

He entered his number into Andrew’s phone and handed it back. “Thank you for tonight.”

Andrew’s answering smile was dazzling and he nodded enthusiastically. “Can I take you out for a proper dinner sometime?”

“I’d like that.”

-

Phil left a few minutes later, a new contact in his phone and a date next weekend to look forward to.

**Author's Note:**

> you can find this fic on [tumblr](https://tobieallison.tumblr.com/post/187950513231/maybe-we-could-go-get-lost-tonight)


End file.
